As Solano guides me to be less caught up in thinking from altered ego, I realize I am also letting go of desire.
Such as, less desire to be doing. Less desire to go and do. Less desire to do daily chores and routines, too. Less desire to do anything at all. I am sitting more, staring at the trees, watching the clouds, birds, deer and plethora of squirrels in our yard!!! A deep caring for how I am....how I am now being has taken over. Getting up, moving to quickly, nausea hits, and I lie down and rest.
In the new in-between of desire from altered ego and moving more fully into Soul, I have developed a connective tissue ache, on the left side, just under the breast and over the heart! Solano has said, rapport is manifested in connective tissue. Isn't it funny, the connective tissue is both under and over, while in the same place? Rather like rapport! Underneath a thought, and over it, like a giant umbrella, keeping me from seeing or feeling, wellllllll....the me of me.
At first, I felt bad about the ache. Yet, Solano has said, there is no pain! And, when I do hurt, it is as a forest fire, cleaning out the old, making room for new growth.
So, for me, letting go of rapport with the physical world, the illusion, has been uncomfortable!!! Or desire to participate in any way. Yet...today, I am aware and feeling the emotion of great creativity.
Which brings a profound joy and peace. I still have the ache...the challenge even to take a deep breath, yet, such an elevated state of awareness and joy, no, gratitude that this physical reality is as ephemeral as my night time dreams.
Freedom seems to come with this more profound sense of detachment, less desire and new deep inner acceptance and allowing of the day dream, just as I am in night dreams. The creativity that is deep within my being is more delightful than any desire I have ever held.
I welcome your insights!!!
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